My previous post was about how I related to the latest Dr Strange movie in that dreams are projected as our own mental travels to other meta verses in which we live. It’s a fantastic idea, albeit kaka because I believe that dreams are just the brain’s housekeeping process.

Everyone dreams. Some remember their dreams more than others. I am one of the rememberers. The sad part is that my dreams are seldom pleasant, or even neutral. They are always anxiety-inducing, and I wake up with my chest pounding. There are some standard dreams that repeat.

  1. I am unprepared for an exam. Unprepared in the sense, I have no idea what subject the exam was going to be in, what I had to study, where the exam is going to be conducted, and I don’t have the tools – pens, paper, etc. And I am late to it. I am trying to reach my folks (either my husband or my father or my daughter) and am unable to.
  2. I am naked in a public setting. Usually a bus. Everyone else is dressed, and I have no idea why I am stark naked. I know everyone knows I am naked. And I am late to something. I am trying to reach my folks (either my husband or my father or my daughter) and am unable to.
  3. I am in a large building. LARGE. The various floors are various zip codes of my city. The buildings are usually empty. There are wide stairs that go between the various floors, and every floor opens into another part of the city. I have no idea where I am. And I am late to something.I am trying to reach my folks (either my husband or my father or my daughter) and am unable to.
  4. I am in college, I have no idea what classes I need to take, and where they are conducted (this seems a different version of dream theme 1). I am walking around aimlessly, wondering where I have to go. And I am late to the classes.I am trying to reach my folks (either my husband or my father or my daughter) and am unable to.
  5. (This is more recent) I have travelled to the US, and am in a random place (Maryland? Syracuse? I don’t know). I don’t know where to go from there, but I know I am supposed to go somewhere. And I am getting late for it.I am trying to reach my folks (either my husband or my father or my daughter) and am unable to.

Last night’s dream was motif 5. I was in the US, and am trying to reach my father on phone. I ask him when I am supposed to return, and he says he’d rather not tell me because I’d be upset. I am thinking to myself, I am not going to return this month and am going to wait until after Christmas and New Year, so that I can see the lights and decorations and then return. The idea of returning fills me with dread. And I am late to something I am supposed to be doing.

See the pattern?

I am a stickler to time. I think convent school has traumatised me for life in this aspect. We were punished if we were even a minute late after the bell. I was chided at home if I wasn’t home at the time I had promised I’d be back. It doesn’t help that my job is deadline oriented. Thus, I am anal about timekeeping. If I am supposed to be anywhere (even it if is a self-made plan to buy vegetables at 6 PM), I must be there a couple of minutes earlier than that and I am agitated about it until I am there. The only time I get hysteric at my husband or daughter now is when they delay stuff.

Another thing that has traumatised me and damaged me irreversibly is that when I was young, I had to contact my dad periodically (sometimes by the hour) to tell him where I was and what I was doing. Thus, not being able to contact him stresses the heck out of me even now. When I was married, I did the same thing with my husband -update him about my presence, and he was puzzled – asked me why I was telling him all this.

I wonder if there is a cure for this.

14 thoughts on “I have a dream and I don’t want to

  1. I was just talking to my sister who is pathologically late for everything. I’m just the opposite…I can’t relax until I get to whatever appointment (even self-imposed) I’m supposed to get to. I’ve spent happy hours in airports where I’ve arrived insanely early, sitting in my car waiting for the actual specified time to go into a party, for the shop to open at the posted hours which I knew perfectly well before starting out. She doesn’t know why she’s always late, but it doesn’t particularly bother her. I don’t know why I’m always early. I’d like to say it doesn’t particularly bother me either, but my family HATES it!

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    1. My soul sister. I’ve waited outside in my car too on many occasions. My daughter always got irritated whenever she was on playdates because I’d ring the doorbell of the house in which she was, at the exact time to the second, at which I had promised to pick her back.

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    2. I used to be habitually late. Sometimes as little as 3 min… but always at least 3 min. One day I started being early… except to work. I’m still chronically late for work but that’s cause I hate it.
      I have no idea what caused be to start being early to things!

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  2. I will remember bits of dreams when I first awaken from them, sometimes. Rarely do I remember anything more than a feeling, and quite often that feeling is one of having been threatened and having no support. I have no idea why. Perhaps it relates to the fact that during my growing up years, my father’s work required many many moves – most years I attended at least 4 schools, some twice that many – so we were always moving somewhere new and I had to find new friends. And then leave them soon thereafter.

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    1. Yes. School run by Catholic nuns. Notoriously famous for enforcement of discipline – rap knuckles for being late, kneel outside class for talking in class, etc. To be honest, I owe my life discipline to the school. Also my anxiety.

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      1. When I was growing up, there was no religion in education. I studied in a Catholic school and a Protestant college while being hard core Hindu at home. In fact, Christian educational institutions were considered to be prestigious because of the importance they afforded to discipline and English. Since it was not that far from independence from the British (20 years after independence), most of the nuns who taught us were Anglo Indians, and we were brought up like in England πŸ™‚ In fact, until we reached middle school, we spoke like the Brit too. This was considered “good education”, talk of Stockholm syndrome πŸ™‚

        There is more religions bias in education these days, unfortunately, and the belief that missionary schools are the best is gone. My own daughter went to a Hindu-bias school, but now goes to a Protestant college (the same one I went to). Unfortunately, most of the students in her school were Hindus and most of her college-mates are Christians, which shows that there is now clear religious bias in education.

        Long answer…

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  3. My frequent themes are water, late for a plane (based on an IRL paranoia), can’t find a working toilet or having to use a toilet with no privacy(and frequently naked), and – new this week – needing to rescue my cat from flooding.

    At least this morning’s featured Greg Kinnear, on whom I have an IRL crush!

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      1. Also sorting… I’ve recently done a lot of sorting of folders.

        Greg wasn’t Greg in the dream, he played that part of some I used to know IRL, which made it a weird dream. Whole wakin, I realized it was played by Greg Kinnear and was much happier!

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